Dealing with Anger, theory and practice

The sermon this morning at Riverview Church was about anger, and how a simple thing such as road rage is not about the person cutting in front of you, it is most likely about all the other stuff going on /wrong in your life, and here you see just an easy target, because his car is slower than yours, he looks puny, and the rest is history.

It made me think about the times I have sulked, and acted inappropriately due to unrighteous anger. And I felt bad.

So after the sermon, my daughter is playing on stage, and I go up to just ensure all the kids are still alright. I notice this non-parent guy taking a keen interest in the children, but decide to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I walk away. There are still hundreds of people around, the kids will be fine.

I nearly get to my wife and friends, and the guy had followed me. Asked my whether I had a problem. Exsquueze me? Yes, a problem with him. Mate, what are you talking about. He determines that I do not want to start something, and neither does he. So he leaves.

And now I start fuming. Since he followed me, he obviously was trying to start something. And since I am of much smaller build than him, so he could.

Just before all this transpired, I spoke to my wife, and we planned the perfect afternoon, We were going to give our daughter her new bicycle as her fourth birthday present, so we could spend the afternoon riding around.

Instead, I realised that I was in a foul mood, started the car, raced home (note to self: The Vectra does not understeer, turn the steering wheel slower when cornering at high speed), and I even managed to get the car airborne by ramping over a speedbump. My wife duly asked me to stop the car, which I did. I walked home the rest of the way, both ladies emotional wrecks, I grabbed a bottle of sake, my cigarettes, and took two oxazepams (mood depressants).

Chainsmoked five cigarettes, and slept for five hours.

So much for the perfect afternoon for my daughter.

All I could think of was that my behaviour was very selfish. The afternoon belonged to her, and I managed to ruin it for everyone.

Ephesians says to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. And without trying to take the blame from myself, could that idiot not have done the same? Especially after hearing the message? And could I have reacted differently, Of course I could have. But I didn't.

This afternoon I was convinced that there is only one solution, that I should quit the church. I could state my reason that I feared for my safety. But that would just be an excuse. External locus of control, instead of an internal locus of control. So you know what, I will remain in church, I will attend band practice.

A few posts ago I mentioned that the only difference between failure and success is time. Do I really want to be known in my own heart as a failure. Become bitter, and blame the church for everything? No. We all make mistakes, we all sin. My only issue now is to find it in my heart to forgive this idiot. He has issues. I do not know what they are, but God knows.

Perhaps I could pray for him. Now that would be sweet revenge.

Please pray for me as well. I find it difficult to forgive, and to forget.